ERIC GEEN Comedy writer and Author

‘…few men having a near naked Senator’s wife sitting between his legs and rubbing his crotch with a damp cloth would know, with confidence, what to do. Sir Miles Value was very sharp on what he considered inappropriate behaviour in male employees toward females. Trooks had received many lectures from prominent feminists that no matter how provocatively a woman is dressed or behaves it should not be taken as a sign to a man as the freedom to touch. Many a man’s career had been ruined because of an incautious act, a misinterpretation of the signals. Sophia’s behaviour could be a test by Sir Miles to ascertain Trooks’s suitability, for no woman would naturally behave in such a depraved manner. On the other hand, if it were not a setup, to insult such an important lady as an American Senator’s wife by bluntly refusing her advances could result in severe consequences. Trooks frantically searched his brain for a politically correct response to the situation he found himself in. Perhaps a document written in black and white that she could sign, confirming herself as a willing partner…Something along the lines…’I Sophia being of sound mind and body confirm and agree to allow the below mentioned (insert name) to…remove my brassiere…fondle my breasts…remove my panties…have full sex. Do none of the above (delete as appropriate). Other acts describe. Use separate sheet if necessary. Signed on this day…at…of my own free will and sober in mind and body…’ Such a document would be legal in court. Like a prenuptial agreement, a pre fucking agreement.’

‘…the Duke had hitherto enjoyed no position in life. A low lineage royal is of no use to anyone but since arriving on Eco Island he had discovered he possessed a natural talent and a pleasure in cooking.’
…’although the Duke allowed himself to be pulled into the bedroom by his fiancée and during their love making he offered the beautiful Hilda the correct words of endearment, as expected in such a situation, his mind was not on the task but rather on culinary matters such as the pig currently being roasted on the rotisserie and not being allowed to dry though lack of basting. Prior to their love making the Duke had taken the precaution not to divest himself of too much clothing and so as he rolled off the lovely lady at the completion of their loving he had to waste no time searching for his chef’s hat, trousers or shoes none of which he had discarded…’

ECO ISLAND is the brainchild of Sir Miles Value, who harnesses the latest fads of the rich and the famous for his own profit by running ultra expensive holidays on his tropical paradise island on which Royalty, celebrity and the rich and famous can pay penance for their general wasteful life styles by getting back to nature, live the simple life by catering for themselves. Collecting eggs for their breakfast from under a hen (eggs which have been shop bought and placed under the hen undercover of darkness by islanders) plucking grapes from plastic vines and even generating the island’s electricity by running up and down stairs, sitting up and down on chairs and jumping violently on beds.

Sir Miles Value is enthusiastically assisted by his stooge, Daniel Trooks, who formally languished in ‘Sir Miles Value’s Holiday Complaints’ and who has his own agenda, and the delighted local islanders.
With its collection of almost Dickensian characters – Third Division Dukes, Russian oligarchs, US Senators, zealous policemen, gullible celebrities and very liberally spiced with sex, ECO ISLAND with have you laughing out loud on every page.

…’ on the terrace of the Big House no one saw the flames of the fire until it was too late to stop its progress. Possibly, one or two guests admitted, they might have seen a spark or to appear in flashes over the roof of the house but they paid no heed. Happily occupied they stomped, jumped and danced onto the purple and black mass of grapes in great merriment and childlike enthusiasm, enjoying the unique experience of having grape juice squeezed between their celebrity toes as they took part in Eco Island’s ‘Tradition Wine Stomping Festival’ (this was the first year). To add to the laissez –faire guests had sampled copious glasses of wine Chaeval offered as an example of wine produced from previous grape stomping festivals. The sampled wine was, in fact, from Sir Miles’s personal cellar with labels soaked off. Expensive wines such as Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2005, Chateau Petrus, around £3,000 a bottle and cheaper 2005 Vieux Chateau Certan, Chateau Lafite Rothschild Pauillac 1996, Chateau Mouton Rothschild Pauillas 1986…